User talk:HellaRadAF
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Thread:517929|Reviews Wanted page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! WhyAmIReadingThis (talk) 00:58, December 27, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:59, December 27, 2015 (UTC) Re: Story I'm sorry but this feels more like the skeleton plot of a potential story than an actual story. There are additionally capitalization issues: "Lucid Nightmare" really shouldn't be capitalized as it's not a proper noun (the same holds true for lucid dream.) It really feels like you didn't do much research for the premise and dodged any opportunity to give the story credibility. "According to an experiment done by scientists," Scientists from what organization? To what end? How did they achieve the dream state of lucid nightmares? Did they have issues during the experiment? Etc. The story randomly shifts from the protagonist's perspective to Kyle's without any header or real sense of explanation. One character literally turns into dust with no explanation or foreshadowing. The lucid nightmare state is achieved by chanting. If you're going to focus on such a commonplace concept (nightmares/lucid dreams), you need to create an air of believability to it. The story feels anemic without a lot of events happening. This really doesn't work well when there is a lack of description or attempt to build up the inherent horror of the concept. All in all, this feels like a very early rough draft (highlighted by the fact this is currently in the writer's workshop) rather than a complete story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:11, December 27, 2015 (UTC) One of my stories Even though one of my stories was deleted, I decided to post it on the trollpasta wiki. If you wish, you can read it here: http://trollpasta.wikia.com/wiki/Lucid_Nightmare_Theory HRAF (talk) 16:46, December 29, 2015 (UTC) Your Talk Page Please do not remove messages from your talk page, especially warnings. Your talk page serves as a public record of what has been said to you, as well as being an easy way for us to keep track of infractions. If you choose to clear messages from your talk page again, you will be blocked from editing for one day. | creepypasta.wikia.com | I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! | [[User:Underscorre|'Under']][[User talk:Underscorre|'Scorre']] }} 17:00, December 29, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 16:57, December 31, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:33, January 9, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story (Again) The story fell below our quality standards due to multiple capitalization, awkward wording, multiple incomplete sentences, and story issues. Capitalization issues: "Maori, Please excuse poor grammar" Multiple fragmented sentences: "No one on the farm property, except for me.", "All the same.", "No movement, no breathing.", etc. Awkward wording: "I have heard the stories about the creature spotted by a farmer.", "He explained it to me, "short form, pale, emaciated body and Matatā stitches on his face. No movement, no breathing."", "About a week later, they found him. He moved back and forth with his hands around his shins.", "The luxurious, nice cold water to drink I can take", etc. Story issues: the actions in the story feel like they're being listed: "After 30 seconds, it began to crawl toward me. Eventually, I fled. I was not able to sleep. That night, I've just felt paranoid." There is little emotion/build-up in the story so it just comes off as boring. There is little to no description and the events in the story feel like they were rushed and hastily written. I'm sorry, but this is well below our quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:49, January 9, 2016 (UTC)